


I fell in love with a ghost, but it's Dan Howell

by Randomnessjilly



Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 02:37:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5522300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomnessjilly/pseuds/Randomnessjilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your one of the unique people who can see spirits, but what happens when Dan Howell is your guardian? (note I don't own the picture, Dan, or you. I do own the plot)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

(your P.O.V) 

I never knew he was once someone loved by millions till I was older. I only knew that I loved him. It's a bit of a weird situation, him being dead and all, but what if the dead aren't what we think? I'll have to explain a bit better, you see everyone at birth is assigned one guardian, always someone who's lived before, and they are set to watch them for their lifetime, and help them out when both accepted and needed, now not many people could see them, sure there was glimpses once and awhile for some people, but not in as large of a scale. Imagine you in a room full or 100 people, then imagine doubling that, sometimes tripling it, and you being the only one to see them it's not fun most of the time, i'll tell you that. Now for me being in love with one, i'm going to go back to my childhood for it to make full sense.


	2. Chapter 1

My earliest memory was back when I was three, it never made full sense why this memory stuck out to me, but even so it did. It was a time of fighting, screaming, and betrayal in my house, but that’s not really the thing that matters, it happens more often than not. I remember my tiny brain didn’t comprehend what was going on, in my mind they were going under battle, with dreams of a happy ending. I Guess it could have been the initial plan, but it didn’t work out like that. I remember laying in bed, shivering from the open window I couldn’t reach. I started to get worried as snow slightly piled onto the floor beside it, the windy night had no mercy. I remember then seeing him, he was smiling down sadly, knowing he can’t change the outcome of the future. I being a small child just smile up at him, not a care in the world. He slowly bent down, whispering things to keep me calm in my already calm state.  
I remember him going outside the room, being confused of where he went, in my eyes he disappeared forever, even if it was a second, I cried out, in mostly frustration, not liking to be alone, not again at least. I remember hearing there be a brief pause in the battle going on outside my bedroom walls, it only lasted a second, only noticeable if you were really listening. I then saw the figure walk in slowly, him being a bit more weak than before. I saw the flinch on his face, I saw the way his hand wobbled when he came in. He slowly walked towards me, wrapping the item in his hands softly around me. I remember not seeing this around the house before, I remember not knowing the name, I decided then on to call it my bah, but that’s off topic. I noticed how he immediately fell down once he got it on me, I thought nothing of it, I didn’t really care at the time, I didn’t know that it hurt him to pick up physical objects to early, or that it was against the rules to interfere with this kind of stuff. I didn’t learn this till later. I remember the upset look on my mum’s face when she walked in the next day, I remember her shutting the window like it wasn’t open all night, like snow didn’t litter the ground, or parts of my bed. I didn’t care though, I was glad to see her, even if she wasn’t caring at that moment either. I remember the bruise under her eye, and the distant look she got when looking at me, I noticed that when she brought me out to the living room, I didn’t see my father anymore. I didn’t mind though, I thought he would be right back, just getting ready to surprise us like he always did. I never thought he wouldn’t be seeing us again.  
I remember that a few weeks later, my mother would go to her room, and leave me alone. I remember the sad look on the stranger's face as he sat in the corner. I remember seeing the scars on my mum’s arms, and the leftover ones on the strangers. I remember after a while the stranger would start to play with me when my mum was away.  
I still don’t know why this stuck, maybe it’s because it’s the first time I remember seeing him, maybe it’s because it’s one of the last memories with my mother, and he was just stuck to it like a post it note. Maybe it’s to tell me when i’m older what really happened that day, what happened later on, to put an excuse to the sudden disappearance. Maybe it’s to put less blame on myself. Maybe it’s just because life’s a bit cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It kind of sucks, but eh


	3. chapter 2

The next one is a bit harder to remember, not in the fuzziness of childhood’s vision, but in the way of the pain related to it. It was a year later, I should be glad she even lasted that long, but I always was a little selfish in the want of keeping people around. I guess the beginning of that day didn’t really matter in the scheme of everything, just a normal day, my mum sat me in the living room and the ‘stranger’ came out to play with me, although though he had a name at this point, and I sat there for hours just running around, laughing and giggling with him. Those things, although nice I suppose, don’t really matter to anyone but me, some would even call it sad that a ghost was who was left to take care of me, and one my mother didn’t know about at that. The ending is what truly mattered, the river of red ‘water’ leaking from beneath, the door, the look on his face as we both noticed it, the confusion of what’s going on from my part. I was honestly going to go towards it, but even as a child I knew to stop by the look on his face. Although there wasn’t really a way to describe it right, I would have to say the closest was a mix of pain, memories, and confusion. I only got the confusion part later, like a lot of things throughout this, but I guess no one truly knows what’s going on as a child.   
The only time I started to worry was when I saw the flashing lights from outside the window, weirdly enough it was on a snowy day like before, I didn’t know much about them, only that whoever was around the colourful wheel of lights usually meant to hurt me and my mum. I both stupid and smart thinking this, quickly ran out of the room to warn my mother. I banged on the door, ignoring the drying crust on the carpeted floor, I felt my own hands start to get sore, but I was to invested in trying to get to my mother. Eventually, he stopped me, making sure to cover my almost bleeding hand. He slowly shook his head, making sure I got the message. I felt the ground rumble under my small feet, as the person with the blinking lights banged on the door, she called out my mother's maiden name, called it again, she then called if anyone at all was there, I couldn’t answer too frozen in fear, but I felt his hand on mine, I was calm enough to stay put, to protect the door my mother was behind. I heard the door crack, and break, not knowing what else to do, I called out to my mother one last time, before the women in the uniform came through the broken white door.   
I blacked out most of what she said, the most I remember was “she’s in there?” then “i’m sorry.” “You’re going to have to go to a home.” I felt his hand tighten when we heard that, I glanced over to see fear strike his face. The lady walked slowly back to her car, to call reinforcements I think, I felt him slowly tug me to the door.


	4. Chapter 3

I felt him slowly tug me to the door…

I thought at the time he was going to lead me to the lady in the uniform, that I was going to be taken away, then they’ll fix my mother and we would be reunited. Live happily together. I was an ignorant child. He ducked low enough for me to hear him in his tall stature “I need you to slip around the car while she’s not paying attention.” I listened of course, he was the one to care for me the last year, why would I not? I let go of his hand, and snuck around, making sure to look up at her once and while, I made sure to keep from stepping on the twigs knowing that, that brought attention. He followed after a minute of me keeping forward, making sure to check on the lights every once and awhile.   
I remember that I fell about two miles into the forest around my house, getting the light flakes of the first snow frost on my clothes, it started to soak through and I freaked out from the cold. I remember him going back to get a few items, sure that by now the lady was already heading back to get help. I remember sitting in the snow, waiting for him to come back, and feeling my fingers go numb from the hours in the cold. I remember not doubting that he would be back, knowing well enough to trust him. Even back then I would have froze before doubting him. He probably doesn’t like when I say things like that, but it’s true. I must of fallen asleep for awhile, because the next time I blinked it was already dark. I started to get scared, worried that something happened to him, or that the monster’s in the dark would get to him. At least I was partially right, they didn’t get to him that night, but they existed. It happened again, but this time I knew I had fallen asleep, because I was jolted awake from the sound of dragging through the snow.   
He was back, I ran to hug him (of course receiving it back), before truly looking at his face for that night. He was exhausted, not yet used to the weight of things anymore, he also looked sad, I could tell even back then it wasn’t just about my mother. He frowned for a moment longer before smiling at me, for a less worrying affect “ Your as red as a tomato, here look what I brought. Then we can go ahead for a bit.” He held the duffle-ish bag up to me, and asked me to look inside, I gladly took it away from him, not missing him falling down next to me when I did. I ignored him for the moment, and cried in joy when I saw what was on the top of the pile, My bah! I hugged it to my chest, and smiled up at him, glad to have something familiar. He smiled tiredly at me, before starting to get up, I quickly shook my head, and pulled him back down, not wanting him to be overly tired, even if I didn’t know truly what exhaustion was, I knew enough to know this wasn’t good for anyone. At least that’s what I observed. I sat in his lap, making sure he didn’t get back up, before pulling bah around us, and closing my eyes, I felt him wrap his somewhat large arms around me, before I felt sleep come again.   
When I woke up we weren’t in the same place, we weren’t in the woods anymore, we were in what looked to be a small wooden town. I looked around confused, then realized he must have carried me. I laugh now, at how weird that must of looked, me being the only one to see him, making it look like a floating sleeping child. Beside the point, always off topic aren’t I. He lead me to the nearest dinner, making sure to hold my hand on the streets, before bending once again so I could hear his soft whisper “I need you to call an old friend of mine”...


	5. Chapter 4

I stepped inside the small dinner, looking around in wonder, I’ve never really been outside my house, I was a small child and couldn’t leave alone, but as it happens my parents wouldn’t take me out either. I walked over to the counter, ready to help in any way I could. He walked over to me silently, stalking along huge among the crowd tiny people. He looked over at me once more, making sure I was quite and not to tell his secret. I look around once more, seeing that what I once saw as a crowd of 10 was a crowd of 25, half of them silent, looking at the people their with solemn expressions .   
I huddled closer to him, not liking the huge amounts of people (at least huge to me) but made sure it wasn’t enough for him to be noticed. The lady at the counter took notice of me, and bent over it to see me better, her blond ringlets hanging in my face “ hey doll” I looked around, confused, I wasn’t a toy, so who could she be talking to? She giggled a little “ You sweetheart, now you're a little small to be on your own, are you lost?” I looked at her a moment, seeing her kind sea eyes calmed me a bit, and I thought about the question, sure I was only four, going on five very soon, but I remember it still hitting me that I was lost, very, but not in a sense of not knowing where I was but mostly emotionally. I looked up at him, and he frowned down at me, knowing how I felt, but held his hand up in the way someone would talk on the phone. Even though I only had limited vocal vocabulary, thankfully telephone was one of the few things I could say without needing to hear it first. I looked at her a moment longer not wanting to leave her calming nature before listening to him once again “telephone, please” She just nodded, and handed me the wall phone next to her, and went to go fill orders. Once she wasn’t looking at me handed it to him, so he could type the numbers (may I just say he was looking exhausted by this point) before he handed me the phone once more. I listened to the beeping, and stared ahead before I heard a voice on the other line .   
“HeIlo?” The man on the other line sounded sorta like him, but was more exhausted sounding, I looked at him for a moment, waiting for the answer of what to say before squeaking out “Hi” I heard a surprised chuckle on the other line, he must of realized a child was talking before hearing him pause.. “ I think you dialed the wrong number, love” I quickly squeaked out a wait, before looking to the one beside me for answers. he just shook his head and whispered “Phil, and say you’re with Dan” I quickly nodded, ready to get back into my bed, or wherever I could, and sleep with my bah. “Phil? I’m with Dan” I heard a sorta gasp on the other line, I heard him hit something, then go back to the phone “Sorry love, but I think you got the wrong number, the dan I know is gone” I remember then staring at the phone, thinking, duh he’s with me, of course he’s gone. But later I realized what he meant. I then Looked over for options he whispered in my ear what to say while I said it “2010 is the year you started to go out, he asked under the stars while you pointed out the constellations, you cried, and ran afraid of what was going to happen, but he then came with a bmo flowers, and you knew you loved him. and could spend forever with him” some of the words came out slurred, but they still got through. I smiled, liking the story,”no one knew that, who are you” I heard the man cry into the phone. I looked to the ground for a moment before answering “(y/n), im lost, and he said you could help.”   
You felt the side of it pause for a minute, and almost thought he hung up, before hearing a shuffle “Alright i’ll be there”..........................................


	6. Chapter 5

I sighed in relief that it worked, not knowing how it would help, but trusting all the same. He held onto my hand, knowing I was afraid for the rest to come. He looked around the diner for a moment thinking of what to do in the meantime before the counter lady came up behind us “Well sweet heart, sounds like you're going to be here for a bit so let's see if we can fetch you something to eat, I bet your friend here wouldn’t want you starving” She then went back behind the back doors leaving us with a wink, me and him looked at eachother in shock then went in a fit of laughter. I smile a moment before sitting in one of the less crowded tables, it only had one occupant and no one else could see her, so you let it go. Some time later the counter lady came back carrying a stack of pancakes, covered with powdered sugar, I thanked her once again, and she walked off nodding at my manners. The next thing I knew, I was sitting with an old ghost woman, and Dan with an empty plate of pancakes, not realizing I was originally even hungry.   
The woman, slightly faded from time looks at me for a moment, smiling sadly “You’ve been through a lot for little girl, haven’t you?” I look at her for a moment, not knowing what to say, I then looked at him only to see him shaking his head at her. I just nod and look back at the table, that was before she spoke up again “Don’t worry, we’ve all been there, just not so young, well that’s ok, so little one, what’s your name?” I smile at her another moment, knowing that she was one of the nicer ones “(y/n), you?” She smiled at me once more, liking that someone would finally talk to her “ Oh my name’s edna, glad to meet you child, your lucky to have this one you know, he’s rare une.” I just nodded once again, not knowing what else to say, to young to understand what she meant. After awhile we got to talking about her life, how she had 7 children, and 20 grandchildren, but how in the end not one was there when she went, how she had no one to watch over anymore, they died long ago. I didn’t know it then, but that was how that bad ones happen, the forgotten ones either fade away, or are turned into something lucifer himself would have shivered at. He did though, he frowned at her, not completely believing it she smiled at him, making sure he saw that she was fine “don’t worry there kiddy, i’m living this long” She laughed at her own joke, and kept laughing until there was a ring at the door.


	7. Chapter 6

It seems the time was lost when we were here, because when we looked back the blue sky had a blanket of purple. I look at the man that has come in, somehow knowing that he was the one I was talking to before, he had black hair even darker than raven in the lighting, and his blue flannel looked disheveled in an almost rushed tone, he wore black skinny jeans that were creased on the knees. He looks around a moment, trying to figure out if he made the right choice on coming here, before spotting me at the booth. He walked slowly almost like he was afraid of what was going to happen, or he was in a dream. “ Are you (y/n)?” His accent somewhat thicker in real life than over the phone. I nod, still not trusting who this was but trusting Dan’s word. Dan looked at Phil for a moment, frowning at the state he’s in, but knowing there was no way he could fix it. I look between them, deciding that in some way, I knew even in my small mind that this was going to bring pain for the both, that we should have kept going, that we shouldn’t have bothered with the call, but it was to late now. I look at Dan, wanting to know what to say, since I can’t exactly just spit out words at the age of four, he looked at Phil a moment longer before whispering to me what to say “I need your help, I’m alone except for him, and he trusts you” I look at him for a moment, and said something on my own, and still to this day don’t know how I knew it all “I know you won’t believe me, you think i’m crazy, or something, but it’s true, and I can’t say that I know what he thinks you can do, but if he says it i’ll go with it, no matter the consequences” He looked at me another moment, and nodded “I trust you” And a tear slipped down both their faces. But it was ignored by the other.   
The next thing I knew, we were in a battered hotel, ready to spend the night. I saw the stains in the walls left by memories, and the bad things in the halls, and ran straight for the room. I hid under the covers, knowing that if they couldn’t see me they wouldn’t bother, which for once in my childhood life it stuck through to when I was older. I saw the light peek around me for a moment, and found Dan crawled into comfort me “It’s ok, although this is a helpful tactic when your alone, they won’t hurt you while you're with Phil, I promise he’s safe” He smiled at me, and I knew he was right after he said it. I hugged him, and got out of the covers slowly, to find Phil looking over at me strangely “why are there two bumps under the blanket?” I look down at where Dan’s legs are, and found him to be right, his legs took up space and moved it even though he could be walked through (Although most just walked around him without even thinking about it). I look back at Phil, trying to figure out what to tell him, not always relying on Dan for help, but I decided the truth would be fine enough “It’s Dan.” A single tear, turned into three and into an ocean, but that didn’t really matter.   
It took me 11 more years to figure out what made me distrust Phil, maybe it took that long because I trusted Dan, maybe it was because I wanted to believe he was kind. Maybe because he caught me when I was young, I won’t know that part, I remember very little of the time I spent with Phil, A few holidays, and meeting his friends, but that’s probably because I block out things that are nice, all but Dan.


	8. Chapter 7

It was my sixteenth birthday when it happened, when I figured out what really happened, when life again went back to old. I woke up that morning, happy to have a good home, grateful that I’ve gone along, but when push comes to shove nothing lasts long. It stayed the same with brief commercials of smiling people. I looked around the room when I woke up, seeing Dan sitting in the corner. He notices i’m awake, and walks over to sit next to me “Happy birthday” I smile at him, knowing he’s been waiting for me to wake up “you know, it’s pretty creepy to be stalking on girls when they sleep” He looks at me for a moment, before saying in his own sarcastic tone “What you don’t like the cullen look?” I just shook my head and hugged him “thank you though” he nodded understanding what I meant. Since i’ve got to phil’s house years ago, I've had nightmares every night, all containing my mother and the dark creatures. Dan’s been there for me through it, comforting me but making sure to never say it was just a dream, we both knew better. I decided I needed to get a shower before going down, and Shooed Dan out so I could get ready.   
I walked in slowly, my paranoia making me check every nook and cranny before turning on the faucet. I noticed something on the mirror, “It was her fault” I read it out loud, not realizing the words meant what they did till after I got in. I leaned back, my eyes closed so the soap wouldn’t get in them, and realized after a moment that I hit something. I look back in a hurry to see a black form of a dark creature. It changed quickly to match my mind, and made itself a door with blood running down it, I screamed not knowing how to handle things like that, being naive still to the world only me and the dead see. Dan burst through the door, seeing me huddled in the corner of the shower while blood was around me. He got ready to help me before seeing the thin flesh made door. He cringed for a moment, before realizing what seen it was showing us and huddling close to me while ushering me out of the bathroom. He looked at me for a moment, trying to figure out if I was ok to be left alone, before realizing he had no choice for the moment “I want you to go get dressed while deal with it, it can’t hurt me as much sense i’m dead” Lie, Straight out lie, in truth it could hurt him more than anyone one. I quickly threw on a adventure time robe, and went to look through the crack in the doorway. I saw him approaching it slowly “Leave us alone, she’s been through enough” It shifted again, mocking his voice as it searched through his head. It quickly took a form that both of us were familiar with “Hello dan” There was a pause in it’s voice “why are there two bumps under the blanket?” It paused again, it’s skin jutting out slightly at the cheeks, and mocked my voice “It’s dan” It went lower again, making sure to let us, because it knew I was watching if anything, process the info it was giving. It suddenly burst into false tears, and all at once I realized what has happened, I realized what it has done.   
I slowly walked in, not wanting to trigger it, before taking a hold of dan’s hand. He looked at me confused, and I realized he didn’t get it yet, or at least was trying not to. I sighed “So this is what has come to the image of phil, a simple shape.” It grinned realizing I got it, and with all the realizing done today, I realized it was phil, just not the version anyone wanted. I looked at it for a moment, before taking a thing of salt I kept in the cabinet and poured it all on ‘him’. It squealed, and squawked, and a bunch of other noises with Q’s in them, before burning down to a crisp, and as it went down, I heard a soft whisper in the air “I’m sorry” I look around for a moment “Don’t be, it wasn’t your fault, and besides from what I found of you, you were a nice person so, thank you” And all at once there was cry in the air, before the bubble went down completely. I held dan’s hand, who was now crying, and I held him once more, soon tears were running full force down both our eyes, and being left in alone with the memory of a horrible thing was once again.


	9. Chapter 8

We lived in the house of so many fake memories, learning its secrets in little ways. We had nowhere else to go, left alone in the world once again. We were there another year before we got caught. Dan looked around for a moment, not understanding why we had to leave, but knowing in the same that it was so. We made our way out slowly, almost not wanting to startle the world with our presence. Once we got out all I could see was flashing lights, and a crowd of 200 in the crowd of 50, it was the one to startle us. I was confused, not understanding why they would come for something like this, but that was before I heard the news on me and Phil. Apparently I’ve been reported missing since I was young and left before I could be caught, and they thought Phil kidnapped me, currently still do, but of course he was no where to find. I tried to defend his name, tell them it wasn’t him, that he did nothing but they put me under being delusional from being young when it happened, I was taken to a foster home, but they didn’t really care they wanted the money. They took me to a physiciatryst , wanting to ‘crack’ what really happened, but my story never changed. What was a month turned into a year, what was a year turned into two.   
The dreams increased, the abuse started, but I got to leave, 19 now I went to find an apartment, find a job, ready to face the world with him beside me. I still didn’t understand how it worked, I still defended the departed voice of my ‘friend’, still thinking I didn't truly know him well enough to call him that. One of the times I remember of that time was in December, the snow falling down made me remember the times of young, but it didn’t stop me from tiptoeing out into the streets, the yellow lights shining against the snow and trees. I made my way to the forest, leaving the twinkling lights behind me, letting the shining moon above me to light my path. One of the only time i’ve truly felt peace. I was watching everything for hours, deers and owls gliding by as silent as the snow falling above. I heard a crunch behind me, and ignored it knowing who it was before even looking “hey” I look back at him and wave before putting a finger to my lips and pointing ahead of me where two deer stood in silence side by side facing the world. Animals didn’t have a sense of other worlds since they didn’t have one, all they had was one and they kept it together and lived in the now. Dan sat beside me in silence, watching the creature stalk the night in silence for hours at a time. Finally the moon moved and the dark became darker, and the snow fell harder, and the air became colder. I took a look around, sneezing from the cold “You need to go in.” He said it in a finalizing tone, making me glare at him from the corner of my eyes. I was about to listen, knowing him to be right before something caught my eye, (kudos to you if you get where the next part is from ) it was a small carousel among the woods, beckoning me toward it. I followed the small path, getting ready to get sucked into it, but that was before I saw how glimmering it really was. The fakeness spat me away, and I followed back in silence, not understanding why it happened. (small random part)   
He smiled at me as we walked, knowing it was finally going alright in the scheme of things. I grabbed onto his hand as we walked home, thinking of how rare it is to see the other world, how much has happened, what held in the future. As I was distracted, I didn’t know that he was looking at me in worry, thinking that this could only end badly. He never was really wrong.


End file.
